I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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