You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
