So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
