can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
