idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
