Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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