Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
