Your dad touched me again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry about my life...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
