I got chris browned last night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
