They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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