I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
