you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
