I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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