omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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