ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
