thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
