Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
