UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
