I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
