I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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