Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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