Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
