I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
