Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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