So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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