So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
