We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
