I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
