Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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