Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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