I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize