I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
