Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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