Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
