Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
