Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
