I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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