i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize