My friends, they love my intelligence
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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