You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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