My liver just broke up with me...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
