woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
