Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
