Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
