I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
