Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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