i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
