Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
