Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
