And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
