we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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