when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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