living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
