How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
