oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
