When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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