Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
