i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
