I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
