We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
