And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
