Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
