if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
