haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
