Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
