i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
