So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
