i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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