we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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