me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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