I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
