just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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