Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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