i think my mom watched the whole time
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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