as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
