it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
