Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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